Disappointed that mine are not among the most cited papers in the area of stellar astrophysics, I thought I might use machine learning to identify more promising topics for future works that would be of greater value to the field. I trained a recurrent neural network on the titles of highly cited papers, which I then used to generate a long list of citable paper titles.

I used the ads python module to fetch the titles of the 20,000 most cited papers with “stars” in the keywords. Then I made the formatting more uniform with the titlecase module.

I used the TensorFlow-Char-RNN implementation of char-rnn to train a 3-layer (256 nodes each) recurrent neural network on these titles. I can then generate new, highly-citable paper titles and adjust my career accordingly.

I recommend The Unreasonable Effectiveness of Recurrent Neural Networks to those who want to learn more about how this works. The bottom line is that this model has to learn how to put these titles together at the character level—it has no starting knowledge of the English language.

I generated a very long list of high quality titles. A few of my favorites follow, but you can download the full sample here.

Superflare Analysis of Gaseous Data

Evolutionary Scenario in the Pale of a MrOSAX Compact Source XTE J1500+2642 in Accretion-Powered White Dwarfs

On on the Physical Properties of Accretion Discs. I. Extend Sky Supernova 2001cc

On the Hydrodynamic Diskortation of Three-Fluxes Under Globular Clusters in the Milky Way

Hot Cores of the Northern Sky.

Star Formation Rates and Phase, Metal Characteristics, and Dipole of Elliptical Galaxies

Thee Relation Between Comprehensive Spectroscopy

Orbital Period-Luminosity Circulations

The Stellar Evolution of Holistics. The Chemically Mitroch Observations of Intermediate Gravity.

Supernova Explorers Accretion of Solar-Type Stars From the Hot White Dwarf SN 1987A

Three-Dimensional Stars

White Dwarf Supersoft

A Survey of Colors of the Very Initial Radio Monitor Experiments in Late B Star Systems

Doltzarian Fields of Burstings Lumbungles

Nonlinear Nitrogen, and the Lights and Colors, and A-Type New Optical and Near-Infrared Observations of Noeshanding the Importance of Non-Da Induced by the Unseen Years of the 11 Myr Emission From the Galactic Survey

On the Evolution of Planetary Gamma-Ray Bursts

Optical Detection, Supernovae Inverting

Excited Reflection in Stellar Spectral Atlas

Probing the General Relativistic Companions: 30 Million and the Origin of Galactic Distributions

Gamma-Ray Spectra and Proper Motions of Selected Lifetime

The Purple Astrophysical Radii, of Rotative Nebulae

Simulated Starlets

The Galaxy of Sun-Like Stars

Object Z-Band Mixing and Accretion ?

Modelling Ages, and Implosions

The Precession Production in Intermediate-Peculiar X-Rays : Optical Monitoring of Kepler

Hot Microscopic Simulations of Low-Mass Planets Around the Ca II Emission From Star Formation Rates

Spot Relations of R-Process Nucli?

New Carbon-Enhanced Microlensity (Wem)

A Post-Chemical Historical Monte for Relationships.

Strong Ages of Be Stars

Search for Brown Dwarf Desert: Comprehensive Shot Orbital Techniques for Gravitational Lensing Experiment

Mass Segregated, Proton Ejected by Galaxy Without Cooling

A Survey of Spectroscopy Based on Pulsating History

A Search for an Erupting RR Lyrae

Settling Quark Matter

Asteroseismology of the Planelaric Activity of Tidally Formed Matter Transport in the Outer Scient and Kinematics and the Case for Pulsating Flare Stars

Evidence for an Interstellar Matter Law

The Hamburg Spectroscopic Fatting, Very Metallicities. I. The Early-Histology of Be Stars

Hubble Constant for Massive Stars

Two-Fligration of Multiplanaries: Toward Hydrogen Processing Effects in 10 Micron Differences in the Overtone Evolution of the Orion A-Type Stars. VI. Physical Estimate of Gridance

A Search for Universe

Three-Dimensional New High-Redshift ZZ Ceti Star.

Discovery of Stellar Winds From Bolometric Results. VI. Water Formation in Dwarf Stars

Complex Star Formation in Protostars, Low-Mass, Milks

New Bright Degenerate

The Stellar Winds and a New Light Curve of 30 He White Dwarf Giant Stars

The Long-Period, Narrow. III. Nucleosynthesis, Grains of the Magellanic Clouds

The Optical and X-Ray Pulsar in the Integral Rich Locking of the Hydrogen Probing the Galactic Center

Catalog Boblog Metal Poor Stars: Dynamical Radiation Dipords in the Ophiuchi

No Progenitors?

Further Wind

Effects of Understanding White Dwarf Stars.

I hope you enjoyed my April Fools post. If you find the text output of recurrent neural networks as funny as I do, I recommend checking out the blog by lewisandquark.